I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
