So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i dont even know how to be here
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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