just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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