Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we're making bets on your personal life
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
