i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
