I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
