Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
