At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Never underestimate the power of titties
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