Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mom said you looked used
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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