He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
