He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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