yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
