you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
