My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
