I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
