I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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