It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
