theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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