Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
