My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
