Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
