Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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