Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
