Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
