like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
