Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
