Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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