I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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