burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
