so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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