Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
