I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
