HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
