apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
