Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
