I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
