I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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