okay pat passed out under dana's car
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
