I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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