these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
