when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
