That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
