The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
