listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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