i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
