Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
