saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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