She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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