But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
