i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
