My liver just broke up with me...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
