he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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